Five Things No One Prepares You For Parenthood

Tonight there was a chick walking around the gym wearing shorts, an oversized white t-shirt and a winter stocking cap, carrying an open party size bag of Cheetohs. If there was anyone I'd like to walk up and say hi to, it was that girl. Amazing.

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So Jordan has been traveling for work quite a bit lately, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't love all the extra girl time I'm getting with Syd. She's become such a hilarious little best friend of mine, and even though of course she has her Sour Patch Kid moments (like chucking her shoe out the car window perhaps), she's such a good little girl.

Stay-at-Home Life

Happy Thursday! Anyone else ready for the weekend?? I thought yesterday was Thursday all day until maybe 2:00 PM, so I was unpleasantly surprised when I finally came to. Sydney is getting three teeth in, including a molar, and she's also starting to walk, so she's been super fussy and constantly falling/faceplanting/smacking her head on the pavement this week. It's been fun. I need Jordan. I'm ready for the weekend.

This is a screenshot of a video; I'm not just a bad mom who takes pics of her kid falling.

I get asked a lot, especially lately, how it's going having Syd at home with me now. I usually smile and say the same auto-reply, "Oh, it's awesome; I love being home with her," because it's the truth -- I do love being home with her. I love being able to spend so much time with her, and I love teaching her new things. I love playing with her and watching her curious little mind figure things out, and I love snuggling with her and kissing her 10,000 times a day. I also love having my own schedule, not having a commute, and being my own boss (although to be fair my previous bosses were nothing short of amazing).

But it's also been a completely different experience than I ever imagined. I recently came across an article that I found to be extremely offensive and insulting. The article (posted here) was written by a former stay-at-home mom who carelessly casts judgment on other stay-at-home moms and chastises them for ever uttering that their job is hard. In fact, she adamantly disagrees with calling it a job at all and instead says it's actually a hobby. (Yes, a hobby. I can't even type that without getting mad.)

Like most stay-at-home moms, I s t r o n g l y disagree with the writer. A job is defined as a paid position of regular employment or as a task or piece of work. While being a SAHM isn't paid, for argument's sake, let's say that mom got a job in which they needed to go into an office. They would need to put their child(ren) into childcare, and those childcare providers would be paid, right? (If any of you are answering no, either I'm jealous you have grandparents/family/friends nearby or email me immediately because that place is a hidden gem.) SAHMs are unpaid childcare providers. Simple as that. To say it's a hobby is insanely offensive and also entirely untrue. As long as I'm providing definitions, a hobby is defined as an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Okay, lady, you bring Syd to the grocery store and tell me how relaxing that is. 

While I struggle to understand where this woman is coming from, I think within her bold statements and offensive comments she does have moments of validity. I agree; staying at home with your children is not equally comparable to a full-time career. I've been there and done that; working a full-time career and being a mother is incredibly hard. Besides accepting the fact you're leaving your most prized possession in someone else's care all day, being a working mama is usually racked with outside stress, demanding deadlines, long commutes and a LOT of mommy guilt. One of the things I struggled with most while working a 'real job' is how to work all day, drive an hour or so in traffic and then come home and have dinner made and play with my child. Seriously, how does it work?? It didn't for me or at least it didn't very well.

But I also think the writer severely misunderstood (and continues to misunderstand) the SAHM code. Telling your friends, "Soo, Sydney decided to dog paddle around the floor at Target today, which was awesome...and sanitary," doesn't mean I'm complaining and I hate my life; it just means, "Target was a shitshow today. Tell me this isn't just my child."

Swimming to freedom.

When we first took Sydney out of daycare, I was so excited. I loved maternity leave and was devastated when I had to leave her and return to work, so I was eager to get back into our routine and spend my days with her. I had these preconceived notions of what keeping her home with me looked like, and I knew it would be harder than I realized, but I honestly had NO idea what I was in for.

Now that Sydney is almost 14 months old, she's become more than a handful. She's a tiny real-life Sour Patch Kid. She might grab your coffee cup (how did she even get a hold of it??), look you straight in the eye, and slowly pour the entire thing out on your white rug -- only to follow up with crawling into your lap and giving you a big hug, patting both your cheeks and then giving you kisses. She might suddenly prefer to walk instead of sit while grocery shopping, but since she still can't walk with 100% confidence, you throw her in the actual cart and she decides it'd be fun to toss everything on the floor while you're searching for goat milk. But it's okay because she'll wave and sweetly say hi to everyone staring walking by. Or she might decide it's as good a time as any to take off a shoe and chuck it at a boy on the playground. But of course she'll blow him a kiss to make up for it.

I don't give a shit what that woman in the article says -- being a stay-at-home mom is HARD. Harder than I ever expected, harder than I ever anticipated, harder than I ever realized it could be, and I give all the stay-at-home mommies and daddies major snaps because I'm not quite positive there is any other job--yes, JOB--that tests the limits of your heart and soul like being a stay-at-home parent. In addition to being a full-time caregiver and a full-time teacher, your days never end. You're working overtime like you're getting paid time and a half times two -- except you're not. You're not getting paid a single dime. When your husband gets home, he relieves you for that 10 minutes you need to change out the laundry and get dinner started before your little one is at your feet asking to be scooped up. I have days where I feel like I'm absolutely flailing; barely hanging on and going into survival mode until Jordan comes home (and yes, we only have one so far...eek). But there were days when I was working in an office that I'd feel the same way -- barely hanging on until the clock turned five and I could go home and escape. When you're a stay-at-home mom, at least in our household, more of the housework and childcare inadvertently falls on your shoulders as well. Don't get me wrong -- Jordan is an awesome husband and a wonderful father and definitely pulls more than his fair share around the house. But because I'm at home and he's in an office, errands, appointments, dinner, cleaning, nightly wake-ups/check-ups and more are always usually done by me. I'm not complaining; I'm just saying it ain't easy all the time. When I was working at a 'real job,' those responsibilities fell pretty equally between the both of us.

Making one mess after another. That's her job.

Being a SAHM is also a little lonelier than I expected. I don't have a lot of friends who are stay-at-home moms. To be honest, we don't have a ton of friends in Colorado to begin with (they're all mostly back in MN!), let alone friends who have kids, let alone friends who stay home with said kids. Thankfully, though, through a mom group I joined last winter and believe it or not through social media, I have met some pretty awesome moms and have gotten Syd and myself signed up for more playdates and classes. I know, it sounds so funny -- meeting friends through Instagram? But laugh or judge away all you want; these women are some of the most wonderful, gorgeous, kind-hearted, genuine, talented, intelligent, empathetic, hilarious and real moms I've ever met -- for REALS. Ladies, I heart you big time. Thanks for all the laughs.

Most importantly, though, being a SAHM comes with the most rewarding benefits as well in my opinion. It's no secret I'm obsessed with my daughter and can't get enough. She's the sweetest baby (for the most part, haha) and is so loving. I could hold her and smother her with kisses all day if that was acceptable (or productive). But more than that, watching your baby sit up on their own for the first time, taking their first step, saying their first word...they're all experiences I got to witness that I wouldn't trade for any 'real job' in the world (except maybe Chris Harrison's job...I would love to be the host to The Bachelor/ette). When Sydney falls down (which is all the freaking time these days), I feel so lucky that I get to scoop her up and give kisses and encouragement to try again. I love that she says, "Mama, mama, mama, mama," when she's tired or sad or sick; I love that she still reaches for me when she's in hysterics or when she wants to show me her newly found treasure. I feel lucky and blessed beyond belief that I get to be there for her for all these moments, and I feel thankful and full of gratitude for my husband who is allowing me to have these moments. I constantly go back and forth between working and not working and I'm not 100% convinced I have it all figured out, but regardless of what happens, I feel so lucky this is my job right now.

In my opinion, there is no inferior-superior job ranking; both SAHMs and working moms have it equally tough no matter how you slice it because being a parent in general is tough. The article's last three paragraphs are flat-out brutal and the writer unabashedly calls the majority of stay-at-home moms "unemployed, self-righteous idiots." I would have a field day debating this article with the writer, but the main issue I have with it is she's deliberating shaming other moms. Being a mom is hard enough without all the judgmental and catty bullshit, so why deliberately tear others down when you know they're working just as hard to be a good mom?

So we'll see. I'm still learning the ropes of my new role and both Jordan and I are still adjusting, but no matter what I am absolutely loving being home with Sydney right now. I do enjoy working and challenging myself in other ways that motherhood can't, so I can foresee myself consulting again or m a y b e opening up an Etsy shop if I can ever get up the guts, but I guess time will tell. Any SAHMs have any advice for me? Or any working moms??

Hope you guys are all having a fabulous Thursday -- and be sure to check in tomorrow and on my Instagram because I'm announcing a fun giveaway!

HINT HINT.

Reflections

This post is kind of emo...sorry (not sorry). :-/

Day 1 post-maternity leave, and I'm still alive - barely.

Hanging out on her first day of daycare

Yesterday was awful, and I had an empty pit in my stomach all day. When 4:00 PM finally rolled around, I BOLTED from work. I don't even think I said goodbye to anyone; I just packed up my shit and peaced out, jumped in the car and totally sped the entire way down to her daycare.

When I finally arrived, I found my usually sweet and happy baby tired and sad. I leaned over to say hi and instead of a huge smile and a giggle, I saw an exhausted baby gaze back at me with glassy eyes that were bloodshot and puffy from crying. I picked her up, and she immediately nuzzled into my neck and started tiredly cooing, which made me feel so good that I started--you guessed it--crying. The head teacher said to me, "Sydney did so well! She slept so much - about 1-1.5 hours, I think?" My heart dropped: 1-1.5 hours?! Sydney is used to sleeping anywhere from 3-5 hours during the day, so 1-1.5 hours is nothing. I picked her up immediately when we got home, and within two minutes, she was sleeping in my arms.

I was so bummed. I hadn't seen my peanut all day and all I wanted to do was play with her, but I knew she needed to sleep so I reluctantly put her down. As I watched her peacefully sleep, I realized just how crazy of a ride the last year has been: pregnancy, labor and delivery, having a newborn, maternity leave... I realized how lucky I was to have gotten three whole months to hang out with her. I realized--again--how wonderful of a husband I have for being such a loving and supportive partner. And I realized once more what an incredible circle of family and friends we have; the amount of calls, texts and emails I received yesterday and today made me feel so much better just knowing people were thinking of me and sending me positive thoughts.

It's hard to believe my body went through so many changes in only one year. Even though I most certainly didn't have the easiest pregnancy, I feel very fortunate I didn't have the hardest either. My nausea was only during weeks 8-13, I gained a healthy amount of weight (surprisingly because McDonald's breakfast may or may not have made it into my diet one or 10 times), I never got stretch marks (thank goodness!), my feet and hands only swelled for maybe a week or so and it wasn't even that bad, and I LOVED labor and delivery. Yes, I loved it. I think it was because I was so over being pregnant that when I was finally admitted into the hospital, all I could think of was, "OMGYESTHANKGODI'MDONE." I had no surprises with the pain (it was pretty much what I expected it to be), but the care taking of the hospital staff far exceeded my expectations. It was probably because of them that I recovered so quickly and so easily. (Awesome side note: Jessie James & Eric Decker delivered at the same hospital in the exact same room as we did. That makes us BFFs, right?) I also feel very blessed and fortunate I never suffered from any postpartum depression (PPD). PPD is legit and a very real and very scary thing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried I would get it. I researched a lot while pregnant just so I could look for any warning signs after I gave birth, but fortunately I never had any symptoms. I feel so lucky, as I hear from friends and acquaintances who have experienced it that it's a pretty dark and miserable place to be in. But lastly and best of all, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Before I got pregnant, whenever I heard parents say, "We just want a healthy baby," I wouldn't think much - sounds kind of cliche, you know? But going through pregnancy, that is truly ALL you care about. There were a handful of times I didn't even care if I was carrying an alien - as long as my alien had its health. I thank my blessings every single day for Sydney, her happy disposition (pre-daycare, ugh) and her health.

I initially intended to take only eight weeks of maternity leave. The downside of working for a small, private company is I didn't have the luxury of a paid maternity leave, but the upside is however many weeks I decided to take off was fine with them (because I wasn't getting paid, ha) - and thankfully so was Jordan (because he's awesome). He was so supportive of whatever I decided and even encouraged me to take the full leave when I told him I was toying with the idea, and I just realized today three days ago, I've yet to thank him for that. So, Jordan, thank you so much for allowing me to spend as much time as I wanted to with our daughter. I am very grateful for your understanding and patience, and I'm so thankful you gave me the precious gift of time with her. I have cherished these past 3+ months more than you'll ever know!

Thank you also to our family and friends - simply put, Jordan and I have some truly amazing people in our life. Thank you, guys, so much for your continuous support and love for not just yesterday, but for my entire pregnancy, my baby shower, labor and delivery, having a newborn...the list goes on. The amount of calls, texts, emails, cards, gifts, flowers, balloons we received once Sydney was born was overwhelming in the best way possible. Jordan and I both received so many well wishes from our respective employers, and my company even gathered together to make a bunch of meals, which they brought to our house, just because. Our families - oh gosh; where do I begin? We've received so much help and love from you guys. Everyone immediately booked flights to come visit. Everyone called, checked in, texted and emailed multiple times just to say hi, they were thinking of us, and let them know if we needed anything. My sister-in-law Kortney -- I've never had a sister but have always wanted one, and Kortney, I am so thankful and grateful for you! The amount of advice, well wishes, gifts(!) and love you and Kyle have given us has been more appreciated than you'll ever know. I'm so thankful I have you to call on whenever I need something! P.S. All the pics and videos of Kennedy definitely makes my day better, so thank you so much for sending them - especially in times of need!! Our friends - Jordan and I have seriously surrounded ourselves with some seriously good people. I'm blown away by how many people dropped whatever they had going on during the week Sydney and I came home just to see her, and I was so touched by how many of my girlfriends texted, emailed and checked in on me on Sunday and Monday to see how I was doing with going back to work. You ladies are awesome, and nothing you've done has gone unnoticed or unappreciated!

And lastly, to my sweet, darling Sydney Belle (who won't be able to read this for many years)... I recently received an email to this blog I subscribe to called Lucie's List, which is advice and recommendations for all things baby (new moms, I highly recommend!), and it was titled "Goodbye 4th Trimester!" The beginning of the email said this:

The Hard Part is Over (sort of) 

Ladies, congratulations. All of you. You've made it past a critical point: the dreaded 4th trimester - colic, being up all night, getting your nipples chewed raw, blowout poops, never leaving the house, endless crying...yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

It might not all be over, but the worst is definitely behind you. 

Thus beings a new era: getting your life back. Going out! Even if it's to the grocery store. Getting your toes done. Having a date night (what?). Buying some new clothes. Wearing real clothes. Showering, yes, SHOWERING. For many, this also means going back to work...

When I read this email, I don't think I realized how good we've/I've really had it. Because no, I don't know what you're talking about Lucie. I actually don't even have the faintest idea of what you're referencing because Sydney didn't have colic (THANKFULLY), she has only been up all night once, my nipples have never been chewed raw (sorry for that lovely image), she has only had a blowout twice, we left the house on the second day home from the hospital and have never looked back, and we have never, ever experienced endless crying. Going to the grocery store? Sydney is such a veteran at the grocery store she's practically downloading coupons on my store app by herself (yes, I have a grocery store app, and it's awesome). My little Sydney Belle, you have been one hell of a good kid (might be whistling a different tune in 16 years). You are such a sweet little baby and have brought your father and me so much joy than we ever imagined was real, and we fall more and more in love with you every. single. day.

I've said this before and I will say this again and again: no one can prepare you for how much you love your baby. I remember thinking during my pregnancy all the times I was such a shit to my parents: I remembered all the times I messed up, whether it was intentional or accidental; I remembered all the times I spoke out of anger and talked back; the last day of college during my freshman year when my dad came to pick me up to take me home and I had absolutely NOTHING packed and was still laying in bed nursing an awful hangover (. . . still so sorry for that, Dad, and really glad we can laugh about it now, lol); the time I got in a horrible car accident with my dad's SUV; the list goes on (side note: pleeaaassee let Sydney be a better child than me). But somehow my parents never stayed angry with me. They forgave me so quickly, always wanted to make sure I was okay and safe, and continued to love me -- and not going to lie, I always wondered how. I mean, I completely totaled my dad's car. How in the world did he still talk to me after that, let alone love me?? And the car accident was totally my fault; I wasn't paying attention, simple as that. To be honest, I was a little worried I wouldn't be that good of a mom because how do you look past all those things and just forgive them? And then I had Sydney, and within one second of seeing her beautiful little face, I understood. There is absolutely nothing in the world that Jordan and I wouldn't do for her, and I completely understand the patience, understanding, forgiveness and unconditional love that my parents have provided for me.

Anyway. So sorry for such a long blog post, but I got a little emo Monday evening as I was watching my little bug sleep. The main point is: WE SURVIVED DAY ONE!

Happy belated Cinco de Mayo. :)