Stay-at-Home Life

Happy Thursday! Anyone else ready for the weekend?? I thought yesterday was Thursday all day until maybe 2:00 PM, so I was unpleasantly surprised when I finally came to. Sydney is getting three teeth in, including a molar, and she's also starting to walk, so she's been super fussy and constantly falling/faceplanting/smacking her head on the pavement this week. It's been fun. I need Jordan. I'm ready for the weekend.

This is a screenshot of a video; I'm not just a bad mom who takes pics of her kid falling.

I get asked a lot, especially lately, how it's going having Syd at home with me now. I usually smile and say the same auto-reply, "Oh, it's awesome; I love being home with her," because it's the truth -- I do love being home with her. I love being able to spend so much time with her, and I love teaching her new things. I love playing with her and watching her curious little mind figure things out, and I love snuggling with her and kissing her 10,000 times a day. I also love having my own schedule, not having a commute, and being my own boss (although to be fair my previous bosses were nothing short of amazing).

But it's also been a completely different experience than I ever imagined. I recently came across an article that I found to be extremely offensive and insulting. The article (posted here) was written by a former stay-at-home mom who carelessly casts judgment on other stay-at-home moms and chastises them for ever uttering that their job is hard. In fact, she adamantly disagrees with calling it a job at all and instead says it's actually a hobby. (Yes, a hobby. I can't even type that without getting mad.)

Like most stay-at-home moms, I s t r o n g l y disagree with the writer. A job is defined as a paid position of regular employment or as a task or piece of work. While being a SAHM isn't paid, for argument's sake, let's say that mom got a job in which they needed to go into an office. They would need to put their child(ren) into childcare, and those childcare providers would be paid, right? (If any of you are answering no, either I'm jealous you have grandparents/family/friends nearby or email me immediately because that place is a hidden gem.) SAHMs are unpaid childcare providers. Simple as that. To say it's a hobby is insanely offensive and also entirely untrue. As long as I'm providing definitions, a hobby is defined as an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Okay, lady, you bring Syd to the grocery store and tell me how relaxing that is. 

While I struggle to understand where this woman is coming from, I think within her bold statements and offensive comments she does have moments of validity. I agree; staying at home with your children is not equally comparable to a full-time career. I've been there and done that; working a full-time career and being a mother is incredibly hard. Besides accepting the fact you're leaving your most prized possession in someone else's care all day, being a working mama is usually racked with outside stress, demanding deadlines, long commutes and a LOT of mommy guilt. One of the things I struggled with most while working a 'real job' is how to work all day, drive an hour or so in traffic and then come home and have dinner made and play with my child. Seriously, how does it work?? It didn't for me or at least it didn't very well.

But I also think the writer severely misunderstood (and continues to misunderstand) the SAHM code. Telling your friends, "Soo, Sydney decided to dog paddle around the floor at Target today, which was awesome...and sanitary," doesn't mean I'm complaining and I hate my life; it just means, "Target was a shitshow today. Tell me this isn't just my child."

Swimming to freedom.

When we first took Sydney out of daycare, I was so excited. I loved maternity leave and was devastated when I had to leave her and return to work, so I was eager to get back into our routine and spend my days with her. I had these preconceived notions of what keeping her home with me looked like, and I knew it would be harder than I realized, but I honestly had NO idea what I was in for.

Now that Sydney is almost 14 months old, she's become more than a handful. She's a tiny real-life Sour Patch Kid. She might grab your coffee cup (how did she even get a hold of it??), look you straight in the eye, and slowly pour the entire thing out on your white rug -- only to follow up with crawling into your lap and giving you a big hug, patting both your cheeks and then giving you kisses. She might suddenly prefer to walk instead of sit while grocery shopping, but since she still can't walk with 100% confidence, you throw her in the actual cart and she decides it'd be fun to toss everything on the floor while you're searching for goat milk. But it's okay because she'll wave and sweetly say hi to everyone staring walking by. Or she might decide it's as good a time as any to take off a shoe and chuck it at a boy on the playground. But of course she'll blow him a kiss to make up for it.

I don't give a shit what that woman in the article says -- being a stay-at-home mom is HARD. Harder than I ever expected, harder than I ever anticipated, harder than I ever realized it could be, and I give all the stay-at-home mommies and daddies major snaps because I'm not quite positive there is any other job--yes, JOB--that tests the limits of your heart and soul like being a stay-at-home parent. In addition to being a full-time caregiver and a full-time teacher, your days never end. You're working overtime like you're getting paid time and a half times two -- except you're not. You're not getting paid a single dime. When your husband gets home, he relieves you for that 10 minutes you need to change out the laundry and get dinner started before your little one is at your feet asking to be scooped up. I have days where I feel like I'm absolutely flailing; barely hanging on and going into survival mode until Jordan comes home (and yes, we only have one so far...eek). But there were days when I was working in an office that I'd feel the same way -- barely hanging on until the clock turned five and I could go home and escape. When you're a stay-at-home mom, at least in our household, more of the housework and childcare inadvertently falls on your shoulders as well. Don't get me wrong -- Jordan is an awesome husband and a wonderful father and definitely pulls more than his fair share around the house. But because I'm at home and he's in an office, errands, appointments, dinner, cleaning, nightly wake-ups/check-ups and more are always usually done by me. I'm not complaining; I'm just saying it ain't easy all the time. When I was working at a 'real job,' those responsibilities fell pretty equally between the both of us.

Making one mess after another. That's her job.

Being a SAHM is also a little lonelier than I expected. I don't have a lot of friends who are stay-at-home moms. To be honest, we don't have a ton of friends in Colorado to begin with (they're all mostly back in MN!), let alone friends who have kids, let alone friends who stay home with said kids. Thankfully, though, through a mom group I joined last winter and believe it or not through social media, I have met some pretty awesome moms and have gotten Syd and myself signed up for more playdates and classes. I know, it sounds so funny -- meeting friends through Instagram? But laugh or judge away all you want; these women are some of the most wonderful, gorgeous, kind-hearted, genuine, talented, intelligent, empathetic, hilarious and real moms I've ever met -- for REALS. Ladies, I heart you big time. Thanks for all the laughs.

Most importantly, though, being a SAHM comes with the most rewarding benefits as well in my opinion. It's no secret I'm obsessed with my daughter and can't get enough. She's the sweetest baby (for the most part, haha) and is so loving. I could hold her and smother her with kisses all day if that was acceptable (or productive). But more than that, watching your baby sit up on their own for the first time, taking their first step, saying their first word...they're all experiences I got to witness that I wouldn't trade for any 'real job' in the world (except maybe Chris Harrison's job...I would love to be the host to The Bachelor/ette). When Sydney falls down (which is all the freaking time these days), I feel so lucky that I get to scoop her up and give kisses and encouragement to try again. I love that she says, "Mama, mama, mama, mama," when she's tired or sad or sick; I love that she still reaches for me when she's in hysterics or when she wants to show me her newly found treasure. I feel lucky and blessed beyond belief that I get to be there for her for all these moments, and I feel thankful and full of gratitude for my husband who is allowing me to have these moments. I constantly go back and forth between working and not working and I'm not 100% convinced I have it all figured out, but regardless of what happens, I feel so lucky this is my job right now.

In my opinion, there is no inferior-superior job ranking; both SAHMs and working moms have it equally tough no matter how you slice it because being a parent in general is tough. The article's last three paragraphs are flat-out brutal and the writer unabashedly calls the majority of stay-at-home moms "unemployed, self-righteous idiots." I would have a field day debating this article with the writer, but the main issue I have with it is she's deliberating shaming other moms. Being a mom is hard enough without all the judgmental and catty bullshit, so why deliberately tear others down when you know they're working just as hard to be a good mom?

So we'll see. I'm still learning the ropes of my new role and both Jordan and I are still adjusting, but no matter what I am absolutely loving being home with Sydney right now. I do enjoy working and challenging myself in other ways that motherhood can't, so I can foresee myself consulting again or m a y b e opening up an Etsy shop if I can ever get up the guts, but I guess time will tell. Any SAHMs have any advice for me? Or any working moms??

Hope you guys are all having a fabulous Thursday -- and be sure to check in tomorrow and on my Instagram because I'm announcing a fun giveaway!

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